Secret Message Intercept-Two

PoopTeen Letter 2

More information is coming in to PoopTeen HQ all the time. We now have a better idea as to what the Evil Doer’s final plans are. It seems as though “Unclle” is a key figure. This is clearly an attempt t throw PoopTeen and the Gang of Aces off. The writer of this threat may be referring to “The Man from U.N.C.L.E.”. This means that the plot is deeper and more terrible than could have been imagined.

It is well known that that Josef Stalin and other Evil Doers have long been called “Uncle”. As of now the best thing we have to go on is what we reported last which is that Jang Sung-taek is alive and playing a very important role in this plot to destroy humanity.


Mini-MonkeyTeen as the Gang of Aces lead intelligence officer has been gathering vital details about the plot. He has been bringing back confirmation that indeed there are plans afoot to launch the miniaturized nuclear sea turtles. However, there is a twist. It seems that Josef Stalin and Kim Jong Un have now enlisted their old pal Ho Chi Minh to aid them in their diabolical plan.


What is worse is that “Unce Ho” is the “Unclle” named in the blueprint of evil. The “Ginger” mentioned in the blueprint of evil is none other than the red haired child seen in this photograph with her head on Ho’s shoulder. It is widely known that Ho in fact would groom his minion women through the repeated playing of Paul Anka’s “Put Your Head On My Shoulder“.

PoopTeen and The Gang of Aces are seeking those at the center of this latest plot. The one person that is still a mystery is “Rosie”. Is Rosie the conspirator with the others? It could be that Mega-Bitch Rosie O’Donnell has in fact been turned from a simple asshole/cunt to full blown partner in evil?


Either way the “Rosie” in the blueprint of evil is demanding that Ginger pick her or a hotel. Between Rosie O’Donnell and the Ryugyong Hotel. PoopTeen will take the Ryugyong any day.

As the plot develops PoopTeen will be sure to pass along any vital information. Until then please remember that your best protection from Evil Doers is “Duck and Cover“.


Secret Message Intercept-One

PoopTeen Letter 1

This came to the attention of PoopTeen and The Gang of Aces. As of now we are working around the clock to verify the origin of such a cryptic plan.

This “Blueprint of Evil” is clearly a plan for complete destruction of the world.

Here is what we know…

1: “Hotel”-The plan clearly centers around a hotel. But which one? This is critical information. Once the Gang of Aces can learn exactly which hotel is being referred to we will be on the Evil Doer’s tail. As of now there is only one hotel that seems to be most likely–The Ryugyong Hotel. We know that this is the epicenter of Kim Jong Un’s nuclear turtle research lab. We are sure that Suk-Yu Suk the North Korean equivalent of Josef Mengele is who this “Blueprint of Evil” is meant for.

2: “Shower”-The plan calls for showers. As we know Kim Jong Un has made his concubines perform what is called “The Eternal Rain for our Eternal Leader“. This must be the shower that is being referred to in the letter. Is Suk-Yu Suk the mastermind of the Eternal Rain?

kim with the ladies

3: “Sleep there until 9am“-Clearly the most cryptic part of the “Blueprint of Evil” Sleep where? The Ryugyong Hotel? Perhaps the Evil Doer understands that by sleeping where they plan on unleashing their carnage they would better blend in.

More baffling is the fact that the author says “No argument”. Does this mean that the person tasked with carrying out this gruesome task is being coerced? Evil Doers have been known to hypnotize many in to doing their bidding. You could say “they don’t Mess around.”


Could the “noise” discussed be the noise made by band Girl Trouble and  Bon Von Wheelie? Gang of Aces agent Mini-MonkeyTeen has informed PoopTeen HQ that Evil Doers have tried to use bats in the past and that now they are trying to communicate with bats via ultrasonic devices.


Finally, who is “Manuel O’Rosa”? Who could this Mexican/Irishman be? Based on our latest intelligence PoopTeen HQ thinks that this is none other than Jang Sung-taek. There is credible evidence that in fact he is alive and working very closely with Josef Stalin at the behest of Kim Jong Un. It is very common for Evil Doers to fake deaths of upper echelon agents.


As PoopTeen and The Gang of Aces work hard to investigate this credible threat-One thing is certain. Josef Stlain and Kim Jong Un are clearly out to take over the free world and destroy all the cute kittens that we have come to love.

PoopTeen is on the case and the world will be safe.

What does New York City do with its Poop?

Here at PoopTeen HQ when the Gang of Aces are not out breaking up international crime syndicates or stopping Kim Jong Un’s next bout of skullduggery we are often asked serious questions.


A fine resident of Dubuque Iowa wrote us and here is what she said:

Dear PoopTeen

The other day while strolling along the bank of the lovely Mississippi River I got to thinking about what New York City does with all their poop and I figured who better to ask than you. PoopTeen what does New York City do with its poop?


Marge Masterson

Ms. Masterson you have come to the right place. The Gang of Aces have actually been standing guard over NYC’s finest water treatment plant for some time now. We were even the ones to get Gizmodo in to tell the story too.

nyc shit plant

You can read all about it here.

He’s a real Don Juan

Kim with the ladies 2The Great Leader not only can build Sea Turtles to deliver nuclear devices but he has the ability to make women cry. Well, that is not all they do. The Great Leader has also been known to make the North Korean Bomb-Shells perform “The Eternal Rain for our Eternal Leader.”

kim with the ladies


The youngest of the Kim’s has been known to exclaim that the Eternal Rains will finally sweep the imperialists excessive desire for depravity off the face of the planet. Leaving the world a fresh place for Kim Il Sungism, Juche and bad hair cuts.

Kim is at it again.

The PoopTeen HQ has just gotten word that the Evil Doer Kim Jong Un is about to launch another round of weaponized turtles.

kim-jong-un-boatHere you can see the young leader on a boat overseeing the impending launch of the turtles. Behind him is Suk-Yu Suk the mastermind of this diabolical plan. The first launches occurred last year but were ineffective. Suk-Yu Suk and Josef Stalin have mastered the miniaturization of many things.

mini_frogmanThe pictured Nano-Bot frog was discovered when Mini-MonkeyTeen explored the secret jungle lair of Josef Stalin. North Korea has been using the technology very well in their new plan.


You can see from the enlarged image of one of the individual mini-turtles that the North Koreans along with Suk-Yu Suk are in fact about to launch an attack.

turtle weaponNo need to fret. PoopTeen and the Gang of Aces are on the move. The world will continue to be a safe and happy place for children to play freely. Imagine the consequences if the Evil Doers plan succeeds. We will all have to ride the North Korean produced roller coasters of dread.